SHiTANKLES: November 2011

They wouldn't run the original review in the Rutgers Review so they edited out every mention of smoking weed and now you shit heads get the original. I don't understand how a counterculture college magazine couldn't print some words about some counterculture pot smoking. Odd, Bless America- RJD

Now I know all pot smokers have their own preference in how they execute their demonic chronic-nugs of green goodness. Many like to rip bowls and bongs, others blaze joints and spliffs, and some get crafty and build their smoking devices. I personally smoke blunts because it’s the American way to smoke pot. America is the only country that smokes blunts and quite frankly I wouldn’t mind if it stayed that way. I pride myself in smoking patriotically even time I indulge in the devil’s lettuce. for I like to think it’s how the founding fathers would have wanted me to get stoned.
Through the years so many new dutch companies have been popping up and I have found myself asking the question “which of these god damn dutches will make the best blunt?” I went out on a search and with the help of the fine employees of Jamaica smoke shop on Easton Avenue I purchased dutches from the most popular brands. My associate Daddy Dank and I used our combined knowledge of blunts to test each dutch. I judged them on how they tasted, if they burned fast or burned slow, and if it would get you the best blunt for your buck. I also judged the dutches by if they made good roaches because all broke pot smokers like myself need roaches for desperate tokes. Our mission was to find the dutch that we believe would provide the best blunt experience. But by the end of testing we were very stoned and couldn’t say which dutch we thought was the “best” but we were able to review each one. Hopefully these reviews may help stoners find the dutch that suits them best.

1. Game Dutches- Daddy Dank and I started off with a white grape Game dutch being that it was the most popular type of Game dutch. It is also the typical dutch for it has tobacco in it that needs to be gutted out. The paper that Games are rolled with is very dry which made the blunt a little harsh on the throat. The white grape taste helps with the harshness but after a couple hits it is a bit nauseating and I wish I had gone with a vanilla flavor. The dutch burnt very slow which was a plus despite the gross tobacco-grape taste. The blunt didn’t make for a good roach for it got clogged with resin from the sugary grape flavoring. It wasn’t my favorite but would suggest it for anyone who likes slow burning; long lasting blunts that taste terrible. They can be found at any convenient store for a $1.50.

2. Bluntville/ Entourage- The reason I put Bluntvilles and Entourage dutches together because they both look like a regular dutch, but need to be rolled like a blunt wrap. They both can provide two blunts easily, but if unraveled correctly the last leaf with tobacco in it can be turned into another blunt as well when the tobacco is gutted. The bluntville dutches are a lot smoother and less harsh than the entourage. Daddy Dank commented that the entourage dutches “Taste like the jersey shore” while I think they tasted douchey, similar to the douchebags on the show “Entourage”. We were not fans of the entourage dutch and had to put it out halfway into smoking it, something of which we both have never had to do before. The bluntville dutches on the other hand burnt at a good rate, tasted all right, and made a great roach for the following morning. Bluntville dutches go for about $1.50 at any store but worth every penny because if unrolled correctly you can get 3 blunt out of it! If you’re a fan of douchey flavored jersey shore dutches, Entourage dutches can be found at any store for $1.50 as well.

3.Blunt Wraps- To me, blunt wraps are what kids smoke before they move onto actual blunts, almost like the training wheels of blunts. There’s no tobacco to gut out because the wraps aren’t even real dutches, but they are still used to make blunts. Wraps come in packages of two and look like two brown, oversized rolling papers. The most popular brands in New Brunswick are Zig-Zag and Blunt Wrap Platinum. They come in almost every fruit flavor and then some. Blueberry wraps were used in this test and I fell in love with its strong blueberry mary jane fusion taste. You can roll two fast burning blunts with the papers or use them both to make one slow burning blunt. The wraps made a very tasty roach, which leaves an enjoyable lingering taste. They go for dollar to a dollar fifty at your local convenient store or smoke shop and depending how you roll it, you can have one blunt or two. I suggest them to be tried out by anyone but try to buy a flavor that you know will like

4.Dutchmaster- I saved my personal favorite for last, the classic Dutchmaster. When the selection of dutches is too overwhelming; I believe it is always safe to get a dutchmaster, a true blunt classic. They are the probably the most popular of all dutches, especially in the hip hop community. They don’t tastes bad, they burn well, and they make a hell of a roach that comes in handy before dreaded Monday classes. I suggest buying the vanilla flavored dutchmasters because all flavored dutchmasters seem to always dry out quickly. A lot stores sell dutchmasters for $1.50 but I suggest going to the Easton avenue smoke shops where dutchmasters are a dollar. By the way, the krauzers next to Delafield avenue sells a special 80 cent dutchmaster, but get there while you can, they won’t be there forever!